If a Boy I Love, Loves Me Back, I Will Get My Confidence, Right?

Love. The strongest feeling in the world. The one feeling that can make us the happiest and the saddest at times. Everyone has felt some kind of love at least once in a lifetime, but can someones love really make us feel more confident with ourselves?

When I talk about love here, I am talking about romantic love, the crazy feeling that makes you want to be around that one person all the time, makes you want to kiss them, hug them and squeeze them literally every time you see them. I’ve experienced this kind of love very early in my life or at least I thought I did. But then I’ve experienced it many times after. I had love for the boy with whom I’ve never even talked to, love for the one that I did, I had friends with benefits kind of love that, sadly, ruined the friendship part forever, then the he is the one kind of love where he was actually not the one at all and finally, now, I have he really is the one kind of love. The love where mental and physical connection is so strong, you feel like you can change the world with it. Everything you’ve though love was, was actually not, and you are so happy because this new feeling is so much better, so much stronger that you never ever want to loose it.

But what about the love you have for yourself? Can it become equal with the love that other person has for you just because of kind words and soft kisses? Well, the ugly truth is that it cannot. As strong as that love is, it cannot make you feel something that you don’t. Believe me, there is not one person in this world that can make you fall in love with yourself, only you can do that. How many times did it happen that you hear thousands of beautiful words, but you still hold on to that one mean word someone said, because it’s easier. It’s easier to beat yourself down about something than it is to lift yourself up. Because beautiful words nurture our ego, but not our soul.

I can tell you that no matter how many times my love says to me I am beautiful, tomorrow I will look myself in the mirror and not feel it because I don’t see what he sees. I don’t see my eyes as beautiful  until I put make up on them, I don’t find my wild hair sexy until I tame it and my body is not attractive because I don’t workout every day, right? But still, to him, my eyes our beautiful because when I look at him he can see the love I have for him, my hair is wild because that’s what my personality is like and my body is attractive because he gets to kiss it every day and see it do its funny dance moves when I’m in a good mood…. I wish to see what he sees. I wish it was easy for all of us to really see ourselves as we truly are. Instead, we expect other people to makes us feel good, yet we crush every effort they make with our  negative thoughts. We let flaws be called flaws, no matter how special they are. We compare ourselves to others, wishing, craving to look like a certain person, when in reality, that person probably wants to look like someone else as well and so… the circle continues.

Romantic love is magical, but it cannot do its magic on our confidence. Only love we give ourselves can build that confidence. So it is important that those kind words someone else says, become words we say to our self every day. It is important that when we look in a mirror we don’t let bad thoughts overshine how beautiful and special we actually are. Let’s just stop looking for someone else to save us,  because at the end of the day only we can do that.

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter.” – C. JoyBell C.

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